Kenduri oh Kenduri

Hubby's younger brother is getting married next month. The last in the family to finally tie the knot. We just had a pre-kenduri last week - "ground breaking" of sort if the coming kenduri is likened to an "official opening".

All along I tried to chip in where possible - help packing the door gifts, for example (no more traditional 'bunga telur') and sometimes Pakcu, my youngest BIL would ask for my opinion on this and that and I'll share with him what little I know.

Last 2 years, Mak used to share how pening she was in preparing for Abang's wedding. I remember Mak telling me that she thought it would be easier than managing my kenduri because "kenduri sambut menantu" is supposed to be more relaxed but the reality is not as she expected. A Malay wedding reception, whether small or big, bridal or on the groom side, could still cause lots of headache, as well as tension-and-high-blood-pressure-inducing.

So, Pakcu's wedding is no exception. In a way, he's lucky because being the youngest in the family means he has lots of "sponsors". SIL No 1 & 2 'sponsored' the new bedroom set, SIL No 3 sponsored the hantaran (wedding gifts), hubby sponsored the door gifts, BIL no 5 sponsored paper bags for the door gifts and so on and so forth. And lets not even talk about 'sponsors' coming from other relatives and family friends. Yup, the groom is very lucky indeed.

Only that - like any other kenduri - it's not without its share of drama. Already SIL No 3 is unhappy with the groom-to-be's decision to have a pelamin (wedding dais). MIL said the same thing, stressing that none of her 5 kids who got married previously ever had a pelamin during the kenduri. My take?

"Hmm, having a pelamin would be nice for a photo shoot, but it should not be a top priority. No need to spend RM2000 for a temporary pelamin when that RM2000 could be used for more important stuff. But if you are willing to prepare a DIY pelamin - get a nice set of chairs, some beautiful flower arrangements, some nice linen as the background and all for a fraction of RM2000 - by all means, go ahead. And since this is what you want, and not what you need, be prepared to pay for it out of your own pocket, not Mak's. But the final decision must come from Mak. This is her majlis..."

I know, I know - it's the old debate of "whose majlis it is anyway?". The groom wants one thing, the parents another. For me, a wedding kenduri is a majlis for both - the married couple and the respective parents. Ideally, both party must be willing to tolerate and cooperate.

I didn't know that MIL is that stressed about coming wedding until last week, while I was helping with preparation for the pre-kenduri and she sighed, "Mak rasa dulu masa Amin kahwin lagi senang sebab banyak benda Haida yang tolong buatkan..."

Hah, I must admit that I was surprised because I remember my own Mak telling me something along the same line last 2 years. When I asked for clarification, turned out that MIL was still in the dark about lots of stuff - the wedding garments, how many guests from the bridal side will be coming to our kenduri etc. And she was also a bit upset with BIL's 'demands' - the pelamin, 'live' kompang (they played a recorded kompang for us 5 years ago and both hubby and I had nothing to complain about that), expensive photographer and all.

I must admit that for me, hiring a professional photographer, if one can afford it, is highly recommended. MIL argued that what with hubby having a DSLR, he can act as the wedding photographer without incurring much. I kept quiet, but I believe on the wedding day itself, hubby would be busy with entertaining guests and keeping stuff smooth that he would not have much time to act as a photographer.

Talking from my own experience, I am glad I paid for a professional photographer during the bridal side occassions - the akad nikah and the kenduri in Kg Tunku. Hubby said that he would ask his family to take the photos during the 'kenduri sambut menantu' in Seremban. And what do you know? We have two album of photos taken during akad nikah and kenduri in Kg Tunku, and 8 shots in Seremban. 8 amateur shots, if I may add. And you can't really blame the family members - there were hundreds of things need to be done and get done on the kenduri itself.

Pakcu told me that he and his fiancee had agreed to hire one photographer for all three occassions - the akad nikah, the bridal kenduri and the kenduri sambut menantu. Claimed that they scored a good bargain for the photography service as well as 'story book' album and all. Hmm, that sounds reasonable. But I really hope that he's going to work something out with MIL and his sisters, and come to an agreement on the pelamin thingy.

I also hope that he and his fiancee will communicate more with MIL so as not to let her worry about lots of details. Never let her fret unncecessarily. She has enough in her plate already.

By the way, although it has been a tradition of sort for hubby and I to celebrate our anniversary in a place we (or at least one of us) has never been before, this year it seems like we have to postpone it because our anniversary is just 2 days before Pakcu's wedding, insya Allah...